It's been 90 days, yet your absence feels more real than ever.

"انقدر بودی نبودت رانشاید باورم"

your abscence echos in my thoughts as I navigate through each day. Every time I open a case, drive to work in the morning, or call Dad to your phone where your name is still saved as "maman facetime" in my favorites though there is no "maman" anymore, your "face" is fading in my thoughts and "time" has not been helping either. I'm in a tough spot, and no one seems to understand, care or offer help; instead, they add more pain. I'm emptier than I've ever been—void of love, emotions, and feelings. For the first time, I feel truly alone, and the one who was always there is now distant and fading too. She lost hope in me and in us and I am parched and can not even plead for her to stay. Soon the drought will come. Even loved ones depart, and the value diminishes and become to none
As maman used to say,

"اقیانوس هم باشه تموم میشه" –

even the ocean depletes". Her words referred to money, but it seems true for anyone and anything

.

جات خالیتر از همیشست.